Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and  after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

‘I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want — and I don’t expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless  I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner.

I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing  when I want with my old buddies, and don’t you  give me a hard time about it

Those are my rules. Any comments?’
His new bride said:      ‘No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex      here at seven o’clock every night…whether you’re here or not.’

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Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding  anniversary!   The husband yells, ‘When you die, I’m getting you a headstone     that reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife — Cold As Ever’!’      ‘Yeah?’ she replies. ‘When you die, I’m getting you a headstone           that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband — Stiff At Last’!’
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Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.            Husband gets up in a rage and says, ‘And you are no  good in bed either,’ and storms out of the house..  After some time he realizes he was nasty and  decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,    ‘What took you so long to answer to the phone?’   She says, ‘I was in bed.’    ‘In bed this early, doing what?’   ‘Getting a second opinion!’
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A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement..   He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his   wife,’ Mother of Six’ in spite of her objections.   One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and   wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.    He shouts at the top of his voice, ‘Shall we go home Mother of Six?’  His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion, shout s right back, ‘Any time you’re ready, Father of Four.’

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THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home  and were giving each other the silent treatment     Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife   to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a    piece of paper,’Please wake me at 5:00 A M.’ He left it where he knew she would  find it.   The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it   was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was abou! t to go to see why his wife hadn’t wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM .Wake up.’

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